An Ill Wind Blows Read online

  Inside, the walls were lined with metal racks, racks filled with boxes that were themselves filled with weapons. Dozens of weapons. Weapons of various descriptions and designs: handguns, rifles, knives, knuckledusters, and flashbangs. There were personal force fields, smoke grenades, and gewgaws I couldn’t even begin to name.

  “Here, take a look at this,” Clyde said, grabbing a large handgun out of a cage and spinning it around his index finger. “It’s a high-caliber handgun with almost no recoil. It’ll punch a hole clean through six inches a’ steel.”

  I cringed inwardly. “That’s…a little more firepower than I was looking for, Clyde,” I said. “What’ve you got in the non-lethal range?”

  Clyde sighed and put the gun back in its cage. “Lemme take a quick look,” he said, climbing up into the van and digging through first one, then a second, and finally a third bin before he came clamoring back out of the van. “Here, try this on for size,” he said, handing a gun to me.

  “Clyde, I told you I—” I started, but he cut me off.

  “It ain’t a gun, Eddie. It’s a super taser.”

  “I’m sorry, I must have a concussion, because I’m pretty sure you just said ‘super taser.’”

  “He, um, actually said that,” Miss Janovich said from behind me.

  “Oh, good, you’ve got one, too.”

  “No, no, listen,” Clyde said, taking the taser from me. He flicked a switch and the gun began to hum faintly. “See, it’s really more of a lightnin’ gun than anything else. Fires a small, sharp piece of metal, then hits the target with 100,000 volts at 7 watts. This thing could incapacitate a god.” He handed it back to me, and I studied it more closely.

  “What sort of ammo does it take?” I asked.

  “I’ve got a case of 1,000 metal needles that’ll fit this thing like a charm,” Clyde said, digging around in the van for a moment before returning with a small, plastic box. “The whole thing will only set you back three g’s.”

  “Three thousand?” I said, surprised. “I could make the damn thing for that!”

  “Hey, seller’s market, m’man,” Clyde drawled as he snatched the lightning gun back out of my hand. “Take it or leave it.”

  I grumbled as I dug the wad of cash out of my pocket and peeled off thirty one-hundreds. “You’re trying to bleed me dry, Clyde,” I snarled.

  Clyde took the money and handed me the gun and the ammunition. “Anytime, Detective Hazzard. Serial number’s been filed off, so if you get caught with this…”

  “I know, I know, I didn’t get it from you,” I grumbled. I pocketed the gun and the ammo and gestured for Maya. “C’mon. We’ve got work to do before these damn shock bracelets kill us.”

  “Wait, you’re wearing shock bracelets?” Clyde asked. I held up my wrist in answer. “Hot damn! How much you want for it?”

  “Three g’s,” I muttered. “But hey, if you can get these things off of us without killing us, they’re yours.”

  “Hot damn!” Clyde said again, jumping up into the van and rummaging around for a minute before returning with a wicked-looking tool. “Hold still,” he said, rolling up my sleeve and hooking the tool to the shock bracelet. “This might, uh, hurt a bit,” he said.

  “Wait!” I yelped as he snapped the tool over. There was a brief jolt, as though my whole body had been set on fire, and then I was free of the thing. I sagged to the street in relief. I was free.

  That’s when we heard the beeping.

  XV.

  I glanced over at Maya, who was staring at her shock bracelet like it’d grown a second head. A light was flashing and it was beeping incessantly. The beeping was getting quicker.

  “Um,” Maya said right before a jolt of electricity shot through her body.

  “Take it off, now!” I snapped at Clyde, leaping back to my feet.

  “I can’t!” he cried, jittering and jiggling in fear. “I didn’t know they were linked! Taking yours off has set off the kill switch on hers.”

  “Then take it off of her now!” I shouted.

  “I can’t! It’ll kill her!”

  “Guys…” Maya said before another, larger jolt shook her entire body.

  “Take that damn thing off her now!” I shouted at Clyde.

  “Dude, you’re not listening! If I take it off a’ her now, it’ll kill her. She’ll be dead. Gimme a second.” He dove back into his van, rummaging and banging around for a full thirty seconds. During that time, Maya’s shock bracelet began to beep very insistently.

  “Clyde, a sense of urgency would be good right about now!” I yelled.

  Clyde reemerged from his van, holding a small box and the tool he’d used to remove my shock collar. “Hold this,” he said, thrusting the box at me. I glanced down at it and saw it was a defibrillator.

  “What are you planning?” I asked Clyde.

  “The stupidest damn thing I’ve ever done,” he replied, He hooked his tool to Maya’s shock bracelet and gave it a definite twist. There was the sound of metallic shrieking and the thing popped right off her wrist, trailing smoke. Simultaneously, Maya gave the most god-awful scream and collapsed. Clyde was flung ten yards across the dark alley into a heap against a wall.

  “Aw, shit,” I muttered, glancing between my protégé and arms dealer. Which one did I help? Both of them seemed damaged.

  I moved to Maya first, because she was the closest and my brain wasn’t really acting on anything but autopilot at this point. There was a superficial-looking burn around her wrist and she wasn’t breathing, so I opened the defibrillator’s case and fired it up. It hummed briefly, then began issuing orders in a clear, flat tone.

  “Re-move the vic-tim’s shirt,” it warbled at me. I balked for a moment. This felt like a violation, but at the same time I didn’t want her to die.

  “Sorry, Maya,” I muttered as I unbuttoned her shirt and slapped the two adhesive panels to her side and chest areas. Her very flat chest. But I didn’t have time to think about that as the defibrillator beeped and told me to step back, then it beeped loudly and consistently before firing off an electrical charge. Maya’s body arched for a brief moment, then collapsed back to the pavement. I moved closer, saw that she was breathing, and let out the breath I’d been holding in like some idiot. Maya groaned and pulled at the wires hanging from her torso, then froze for a second as she realized what that meant.

  “We can talk about it later,” I said, helping her sit up and making sure her shirt was wrapped around her. “Sit here, I’ve gotta try to revive the idiot.” I pulled the wires out of the adhesive pads, added new ones, and trotted over to Clyde’s side. He was still breathing, thankfully, and more than a little groggy.

  “What the hell were you thinking, you clod?” I hissed at him as I helped him sit up.

  “Knew the shock was comin’. Thought it’d be weaker split up over two people. Was it?”

  “You nearly killed Maya,” I snapped, shoving the defibrillator into his arms. “You’re damn lucky, Clyde.”

  The man cough and twitched. “Yeah, lucky,” he echoed.

  I stood up and walked back over to Maya. “Can you stand?” I asked.

  “Um, I think so,” she said.

  “All right. C’mon, we’re out of here before Clyde decides to light us all up like Christmas trees.”

  * * *

  We sat back down in our booth in the diner. Maya had buttoned her shirt back up but was sitting all gathered up in a fetal ball, knees tucked under her chin and arms wrapped tightly around herself.

  “Want to talk about it?” I asked. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to…”

  “No, I should,” she replied hastily. “I just, uh, don’t know how to start.” She sat there huddled up for nearly a minute, rocking a little bit, before she spoke again. “My parents didn’t understand. Me or…this. I tried to explain it to them a few times, but…” She shrugged. “Dad got angry. Mom got sad. They kept asking what they’d done wrong as parents, and I couldn’t get them to see there
wasn’t anything they’d done that made me feel this way about it. When I was twelve, I decided I was a woman. That was it. I dressed up androgynously, wore lots of hair color and dark fingernails, and started hanging out at this cybercafé down the street from where my parents lived.” Maya was loosening up as she spoke, and her words were coming faster and faster. I got the feeling she’d been waiting a while to tell this story to someone, and I guess I was the lucky winner.

  “Turns out, I was really good at hacking, and I ended up working for Ms. Stewart in the Organization. Never told my parents, and I kinda stopped telling them about my life at all. They were happy when I told them I had a job and wanted to move out. Relieved, I think. They didn’t have to worry about me anymore.” Maya had uncurled from her ball and was sitting there, looking me over with those eyes of hers. Searching for…something. Betrayal? Confusion? Love and acceptance? I wasn’t sure. I just tried to keep my face open for her.

  “Anyway, I haven’t had any surgery yet. Not entirely sure I want to. I feel pretty comfortable as me, but I can understand how I might make other people feel uncomfortable.”

  “Kid, you’ve never made me feel uncomfortable,” I said. “Confused and very, very old, sure, but not uncomfortable. You’re you. You’re you, and Ellen and I love ya. Well, I do, and I get to speak for Ellen ‘cause I’m her boss.” Maya chuckled a bit, and it caught in her throat. “Listen,” I continued, leaning in, “as long as you’ve got my back, I don’t care if you’re male or female or somewhere in-between. You’re you. You’re Maya, and if a computer needs hacking into, you’re the first person I’m gonna call.”

  Maya almost leapt across the table to hug me. “Thanks, Mr. Hazzard,” she mumbled into the side of my neck. “I appreciate it.”

  “Yeah, well, this is the sort of thing we learn at cool boss training, so…” I trailed off as Maya sat back down in the booth.

  “What now, then?” she asked.

  I cleared my throat. “Well, now that we’re armed and we got those damn shock bracelets off, I think it’s time we got a bit sneaky,” I replied with a sly grin. “Let’s go see if we can’t pull a fast one on Rupert Montgomery.”

  Part Two: They Call Me The Breeze

  I.

  “Okay, so, we know that Rupert Montgomery was tracking us with the shock bracelets, hoping we’d lead him directly to the Jewel of Hakido,” I said. “We also know we’ve only knocked out two of the seven Ill Winds. That leaves us with five angry assassins and one probably tremendously pissed-off multi-millionaire. Now, I’m personally more than a little concerned about those assassins. If they’re anything like the characters from an anime, they’re only going to get stronger as we climb the ladder.”

  “Um, why would they do that?” Maya asked.

  I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t they?” I replied. “Anyway, they’ve been able to track me down without Lojacking me, which leads me to believe they can still hunt me down if they want to.”

  “What’s the plan, then?” Maya asked.

  “We’re gonna draw them all out into the open, of course,” I replied.

  “How?”

  “I…haven’t gotten that far yet,” I replied glumly. “But I’m working on it.” I pulled out my computer and opened a couple of vid windows. I started fiddling around with them, opening up a map in one and a list of informants in another. “I think I have an idea,” I muttered, manipulating data back and forth between the two vid windows. “We’re going to let the rest of the Ill Winds know exactly where we are and what we’re up to.”

  “Um, why?” Maya asked.

  “Because,” I said, a sly grin cracking across my face, “we’re gonna put ‘em right where I want ‘em.”

  * * *

  In theory, the plan was simple: just keep going about my business and keep my eyes peeled for the assassins. When they showed up, we’d handle them one by one. I assumed they’d operate like assassins in movies and tv: attack one at a time, announcing themselves beforehand and giving me a chance to defend myself.

  In practice, things were slightly more complicated. We had no idea when or if the assassins would strike. I also didn’t want to go straight to Carson’s shop just yet. I didn’t want anyone getting anywhere near the Jewel of Hakido if I could help it. I also didn’t want to have to fight any of the Ill Winds in a small, enclosed space.

  “What would really help,” Maya said, “was a list of the Ill Winds, so we know what we’re up against.”

  “Yeah, but unless we can get ahold of Kimiko, we’re gonna have to stay in the dark on that one,” I replied.

  “Not necessarily,” Maya said thoughtfully. “I can try to track them down on the Dark Web, see if anyone there has any information on them.”

  I scratched at my chin for a moment, deep in thought. “If you can do it safely, I say go for it.” Maya nodded and immediately opened a vid window. I wasn’t sure how much time she spent on the Dark Web, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. If my coffee maker started spouting off about the revolution or stopped making my coffee right, Maya was grounded.

  In the meantime, she was busy digging around in places best left undug, but I trusted her to stay as safe as possible.

  My computer buzzed in my pocket. I activated a vid window and saw an email message I’d been waiting for from the sneakiest bastard I knew: Red Ace, the cat burglar. “C’mon, Maya,” I said, gathering up my stuff and pulling my hat down low over my eyes. “We’ve got a meeting to attend.”

  II.

  Red Ace met us at a bar in Old Town called the Rusted Nail. The bar’s name wasn’t the only thing about the place that carried the tetanus theme: there were also rusted door hinges, exposed nails in the flooring, and strange stains on the floor that might have been rust or old blood.

  Alice — the Red Ace’s real name, or at least the name she gave me — sat in the shadow of a booth in the farthest corner of the bar, her back to the wall and her eyes watching the door. She was wearing a domino mask over her eyes and had her dark brown hair pulled back in a tight bun.

  “The domino mask isn’t subtle,” I said as I slid into the booth across from the thief. Maya slid in next to me, her eyes darting every which way but always returning to the thief across from us.

  “I didn’t pick this place because I like the ambiance,” Alice replied bluntly and gestured to the otherwise-empty bar. “Now, what’s so important you dragged me out into the open like this?”

  “The Jewel of Hakido,” I said simply.

  Alice sat silently for a moment. “You’re full of shit,” she said finally and started to leave.

  “Wait, wait,” I said, holding out my hands placatingly. “I need some help, and you’re my best bet.”

  “It’ll cost you,” Alice said quickly as she settled back into her seat.

  “Of course, it will,” I said. I dug into my pocket and pulled out my wad of cash.

  Alice laughed. “No, I don’t want your money,” she said. “I’ve already got more of that than I could spend in two lifetimes. I want the jewel.”

  “No deal,” I said, my mouth a firm line. “I’ve already got two big timers fighting over it, with me stuck in the middle. You think I’m just gonna hand it over to you and let them tear me apart?”

  “How about I go pick it up for you? It will only take a moment’s effort,” Alice suggested.

  I shook my head. “Like you’d really bring the gem to me?” I asked.

  Alice favored me with an open little smile. “Of course not.”

  I sighed. “How about you just tell me what you know about the jewel,” I said.

  “A history lesson? Why not,” Alice said. “How familiar are you with the royal family of the kingdom of Mordalvia?”

  I shrugged. “Not at all.”

  “Philistine,” Alice said. “Mordalvia is a small kingdom in eastern Europe, established back in the late 12th century by the Horbost family. The first king, Cyril the Great, established the dynasty. As part of his coronation, he had a set of cr
own jewels created, including a crown, a scepter, and a necklace. The Jewel of Hakido was the centerpiece, a massive blue diamond set in the necklace. Every ruler of Mordalvia wore the necklace for the next six hundred years. Then, at the beginning of the Second World War, Mordalvia was conquered by the Germans. All of the crown jewels — including the Jewel of Hakido — were taken and shipped back to Berlin.

  “Except the Jewel of Hakido never made it to Berlin. Someone pocketed the gem and then got himself captured by the Soviets. It bounced around the Eastern Bloc for a few decades, passing from comrade to comrade, until about twenty years ago.”

  “What happened then?” Maya asked.

  Alice gave a little smile. “Someone snuck into a Russian oligarch’s house and stole the thing.”

  “Gee, wonder who coulda done that,” I deadpanned.

  “Surprisingly, it wasn’t me,” Alice said with a sigh. “God, I wish it’d been me. But no, someone else beat me to it. Stole the thing, snuck it out of Russia and back to the west, where it was sold to a private buyer about ten years ago for an undisclosed but most definitely ludicrous sum of money.”

  “Let me guess, the buyer was Mrs. Montgomery,” I said.

  Alice nodded. “That’s a good guess, Eddie. If I had to hazard one of my own, I’d say she bought it for your mutual friend.”

  I gave her a confused look. “Who the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

  “Don’t play coy with me, Hazzard. You know exactly who I’m talking about.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. No idea.”

  “The Boss, obviously,” Alice replied.

  I chuckled. “That’s rather unlikely.”

  “Why, because you’re the current Boss?” Alice asked.

  I sat there in stunned silence for a moment.

  “You’re not the Boss,” Alice said as I said, “I’m not the Boss.” She gave me a smirk. Maya’s mouth hung open in shock. “C’mon, Eddie, I’m not a dummy, and you haven’t exactly been discreet.”